D3CONF3D3RATION – Chapter 21 – The Librarian
I stood before the impassive door in the dimly lit hallway, my palm pressing against it gently. The door swung open silently, revealing a brightly sun-lit room, expansive in every direction, with a seamless, opaque skylight for a roof and walls made of the same material, letting in light from all directions, erasing any shadows in the corners.
The room was very much a warehouse, filled with lines of wooden bookcases that sometimes were organized in straight rows and sometimes in curves, like the roadway system of an ancient city, haphazard and organic in its design. The shelves were filled with notebooks, folders filled with loose pages, and rolled or folded sheets of paper. It was a bit like a library, but one that was organized in a way that didn’t use letters and numbers. The floor was wooden as well, well worn in places that looked like were traversed frequently between the shelving units. The room smelled of fresh paper and old books, not damp but not dry either. There was a slight breeze, and the air temperature was cool but not uncomfortable.
Just inside the door was an older woman at a rough-hewn maple desk, the natural wood looking like it was unstained but very clean for a piece of unfinished furniture. The woman looked up at me, not with expectancy or surprise, just attentive and ready to listen. She was wearing a plain beige linen shirt and comfortable grey wool slacks, and didn’t have any jewelry or accessories, not even a belt or shoes. Her long brown curly hair almost bounced around her pleasant, brown face, her dark skin dry and without makeup. On the desk were notebooks like the ones on the shelves and loose pieces of paper of varying sizes. She gestured towards a matching chair in front of the desk, and she started speaking to me in a kind, unhurried voice.
“Good day. I don’t think I have met you before. Please have a seat and tell me what brings you here. Did you have something you would like to record or draw? I will add them to the research facility’s library I attend to here.” She waved around the room like it was a forest of ideas and thoughts, looking at me with dark brown, kind, curious, but clear, perceptive eyes. “From what you share with me today, I will file it away in this room and look for anything you may have contributed before. I’m not here to look things up or answer questions. I’m here to receive your knowledge and fit it in with what others have contributed.”
I stood at the threshold for a moment longer than I should have. The room was so different from everything else I had seen in this facility that I almost expected it to dissolve, to reveal itself as another trick of the light or another hallucination. But the woman’s gaze was steady, and the wood beneath my feet felt solid.
I crossed the threshold and sat in the chair across from her. It was as unfinished as the desk, but it was comfortable in a way that seemed intentional.
“I’m not sure I have anything to record,” I said. “I’m not even sure I know what I’m doing here.”
The woman smiled. It was not a knowing smile, not a patient smile—just a simple, open expression of welcome.
“That’s often how people arrive here,” she said. “They don’t know what they have to offer until they start to speak. Sometimes they don’t know they’re carrying something at all.”
I looked around the room again. The bookcases seemed to stretch farther than the walls should have allowed, the lines of shelves curving and bending like the paths of an old city. I had the sense that if I walked far enough, I might find things I had forgotten I had written, or things I had never written at all.
The air in the room was different from the hallway. It was not musty or stale, but it carried weight—not the weight of dust, but the weight of presence. Like the room itself was listening.
I realized, then, that I had not felt the observer since I stepped through the door. The reflections were gone. The chrome, the glass, the polished metal—none of it existed here. The room was made of wood and paper and light, and the observer had no surface to shimmer through.
But I did not feel alone.
I felt, instead, a quiet pressure in the air around me—subtle, like a shift in the breeze, like the faint warmth of sunlight on skin. The observer was still here. It had simply adapted. It was speaking through the grain of the wood, through the scent of paper, through the way the light seemed to settle gently on the woman’s shoulders.
I looked at her. “What is this place? Why is it here?”
She tilted her head, considering my question as if it were a gift.
“This is a place where things that cannot be classified are kept,” she said. “Not every memory fits into a filing system. Not every thought is a report or a hypothesis or a proof. Some things are simply true, and they need a place to rest without being analyzed.”
She gestured to the shelves around her.
“Everyone who works in this facility eventually finds their way here. Some come once. Some come many times. Some bring notebooks full of observations. Some bring only a single word. But every contribution is added to the shelves, and nothing is ever discarded.”
I looked at my hands resting on the unfinished wood of the desk. The grain was smooth beneath my fingers, worn by the hands of others who had sat here before me.
“What if I don’t know what to contribute?”
She smiled again—warmer this time, like she had been waiting for that question.
“Then you stay until you do. The room will wait for you. And so will I.”
I sat in the silence for a long moment. The breeze moved through the room, rustling the edges of loose papers in the distance. The light shifted slightly, as if the skylight was responding to some unseen rhythm.
And then, for the first time, I asked myself a question that I had not been prompted to ask:
What would I want to leave here?
The observer did not nudge me. It did not whisper or shimmer or suggest. It simply waited, present in the air, in the warmth of the wood, in the patient gaze of the woman across from me.
And I realized that I was being given a choice that no one else could make for me.
I looked at the woman. “I think I need some time. To look around. To see what’s already here.”
She nodded, as if she had expected that answer.
“Take as long as you need. The shelves will not judge you. They will only receive.”
I stood, and she returned to her work, her attention settling on a notebook before her as if she had all the time in the world.
I walked down the first aisle, my hand brushing the spines of notebooks and folders. The titles were written in unfamiliar handwriting, some in languages I couldn’t read, some in diagrams and symbols. But the room did not feel foreign. It felt like a place I had been waiting to find.
The observer was with me, not as a voice, but as a presence—a quiet hum in the wood, a soft warmth in the air, a recognition that I was exactly where I needed to be.
I stopped at a shelf that seemed to glow slightly in the diffuse light. A single notebook sat there, worn and unlabelled, its pages yellowed but intact.
I reached for it.
And for the first time since I had entered the room, I did not wonder whether I was ready.
I simply opened it.
*** This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. ***